The Stache blog

Easily confused

March 25, 2010
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My wife works with computers and internets. The reason I’m telling you this is because she likes to tell me about some of the things she’s doing at work. I have to be honest though, a lot of the time I have no clue what she’s saying. I’m not very up on the lingo of computers these days, so I just have to nod my head or ask a million questions to clarify. I mean she uses words like scrum, which apparently is some sort of meeting for business or something. I digress… She also loves to use acronyms. I’m pretty sure that’s just to confuse me. Anyway, since I’m easily confused by computer and business lingo it’s easy for my mind to wander to different ideas and draw odd conclusions.

Anyway, yesterday she was telling me about work, and as usual I was confused about what she was saying. In this case the problem was that she was using a word that I associate with something completely different from the meaning she was using and it made me have some pretty interesting thoughts. She was telling me that her boss was going to have to take over some of her cycles. Now I don’t know about you, but when I hear about a cycle belonging to a woman…. well I think you know what I’m saying. It’s not a bicycle. Anyway, my wife’s boss is a man, and I thought, ” well that’s just odd.” I knew she was talking about a work thing, but all I could think was, “Hey, I have a few periods I’m not using and I need you to take them over for me.” I know, I’m warped and messed up and what have you, but that was the prevailing thought I had. I just kept thinking about people taking over those special lady cycles for other people.

I have no idea why someone would want to do that, but then again, some people are pretty screwed up.


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Ever feel like you’re a gargoyle?

March 18, 2010

So, I’m a college student. I know, it’s pretty impressive, but that’s not even what I’m going to be talking about so just hold your horses while I get to my point. At my school there are bathrooms with disabled stalls on every floor. You know the ones I’m talking about. I’m sure you’ve seen them or perhaps even used them once or twice. They’re pretty much all over the place. You go in, the stall is about twice the size of a normal stall, and the toilet is about a foot higher off of the ground. Are you getting the picture?

Here’s my point. I hate using these stalls. If you’re like me you do anything to avoid having to used the disabled stall, including going across the street to a restaurant or what have you. It’s not that I feel bad because I might be keeping a disabled person from using the toilet for a few minutes. I honestly don’t mind that. Everybody poops, so they need to wait their turns. It’s because the toilet is so stinking high off of the ground I feel like I’m a gargoyle perched on top of a cathedral. Seriously. I’m not a very big guy, I’m only 5’10”. Some of these toilets are so tall it’s hard for my feet to touch the ground which is way uncomfortable. I mean, it’s kinda hard to relieve your bowels when you’re distracted by the blood no longer circulating through your legs and feet.

Ever seen those signs of the person squatting over the toilet? That’s pretty much how it feels. Why on earth do those toilets need to be so tall? If anything it makes more sense for them to be shorter than other toilets. Speaking of short toilets… Remember those really small toilets that were in your kindergarten room back in the day? Those were the best.I don’t mind resting my head on my knees while I poop. At least then I could feel my legs.

That is all.

Actual photo of me in a disabled bathroom stall.


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Feminine Hygiene

March 16, 2010
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I’ve been noticing lately that there are a lot of commercials for feminine hygiene products on tv and the internets. I mean you can’t even go a single day without seeing some sort of commercial for a new improved pad or some nonsense like that. The thing that intrigues me is not the quantity of these commercials lately, but the women in them. You can tell that none of these women is actually bleeding from their nether regions and I’ll tell you how. Now, I’m not a woman, but I’m married to one so I have a pretty good idea how to tell.

1. The women are smiling- Please commercial people. Don’t try to fool me into believing these women are happy about what’s going on.

2. They aren’t eating chocolate- Every man knows that the only thing a woman wants during that monthly problem is chocolate. Where is this fun fact in the commercials? Huh? I’ve been looking.

3. Laughing? Again, please.

Yes, I’m probably being a little insensitive here, and maybe I’m generalizing a bit, but I’ve got to say, I’d like to see some more realistic commercials about this.  Maybe I’ll try to make one and see how it goes.

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March 2010 Mustache of the Month

March 16, 2010
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He was like a god walking among mere mortals…

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This is the Stache blog. Here is what's on my mind. Prepare to be offended, hurt, and angered.