The Stache blog

June’s Mustache of the Month!

June 2, 2010
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While visiting with my parents this month, we found a very rare, very telling photograph of me as a baby. Here it is in all it’s glory and splendor. Behold, baby mustache of the month!

I still rock a mustache better than you even as a baby.


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Not-so Super Powers

May 14, 2010
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Sometimes when I’m laying on the couch during the day, trying to figure out which day of the week it is and whether or not I’m supposed to be doing something, my mind begins to wander. I know, it’s hard to believe that a mind as sharp and horrifyingly witty as mine can even wander for the shortest amount of time, but it’s the truth. I’m not even embarrassed to admit it. Anyway, sometimes my mind wanders and I have these fantastic thoughts. Now you’re probably asking yourself, “What kind of thoughts Alec?” Well I’ll tell you.

Last summer my wife and I and her mom and sisters went to Park City to go to the Alpine Slide. I hadn’t been since I was a kid so I was looking forward to it. So we were at Park City and we were riding the ski lift when suddenly a thought occurred to me. “This must be what it’s like to fly” I thought to myself. And now you’re all turning to your friends and saying “well of course, everyone has had that thought, geez.” Well I’M NOT DONE so let me finish my thought before you interject your own here. For crying out loud people! Ok, anyway, just as I was thinking about flying, another more absurd thought crossed my mind. “What if I could fly, but I could only fly as fast as the ski lift?” Well wouldn’t that be something? I mean, what the heck use is flying when you can only fly as fast as a ski lift? I swear it took us nearly a half hour just to get to the top of the slide and that wasn’t even to the top of the hill! I guess it could be useful if you climb a lot of hills or go strait up walls or something like that all the time, but I don’t think most people would get a lot of use out of going that slowly. Can you imagine going on a trip that way? Obviously it would save money on travel, but heck you could almost walk wherever you’re going just as fast. What if Superman was only able to fly that fast? Did you ever think of that? Of course not, you’ve taken his miraculous super power of flight for granted, just like everyone else. How shallow of you. Well it wouldn’t do him very much good either if he didn’t have super speed I can tell you that. I don’t know, I don’t really have a point to this, I’m just going with it.

So, enjoy this tidbit until I can think of something else exciting to write about. Obviously it doesn’t happen all that often or I’d be writing on here all the time. I’m sorry to those of you who look for new stuff on here but can’t find it because it’s not there. I look too but I can never find anything new until I come up with something. It’s a vicious circle. Anyway, now I’m just rambling. Have a nice day.


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May’s Mustache of the Month!

May 7, 2010
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Ok people, here it is….. By popular demand I am featuring myself as the mustache of the month! I know it’s what each and every one of you has been waiting for, so I figured it was time to give in to your demands. Sorry it took me so long.

This picture was taken nearly a year ago. I couldn’t find any good pictures of myself that didn’t include others and I didn’t want to take the spotlight away from myself. Sorry others…. Anyway, please marvel and feel free to cry if you can’t grow anything this glorious. I won’t be there to cry on though because I’m way too manly for that.


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April’s Mustach of the Month!

April 1, 2010
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Happy April fools day folks! Yes it’s been a few days since my last post. I’m sorry. To make it up to you I’m posting a sweet picture for you.

We’re getting close to baseball season, so I thought I’d pay tribute to my favorite sport by putting baseball’s best mustache on here for all to see. Feel free to be envious.


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Easily confused

March 25, 2010
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My wife works with computers and internets. The reason I’m telling you this is because she likes to tell me about some of the things she’s doing at work. I have to be honest though, a lot of the time I have no clue what she’s saying. I’m not very up on the lingo of computers these days, so I just have to nod my head or ask a million questions to clarify. I mean she uses words like scrum, which apparently is some sort of meeting for business or something. I digress… She also loves to use acronyms. I’m pretty sure that’s just to confuse me. Anyway, since I’m easily confused by computer and business lingo it’s easy for my mind to wander to different ideas and draw odd conclusions.

Anyway, yesterday she was telling me about work, and as usual I was confused about what she was saying. In this case the problem was that she was using a word that I associate with something completely different from the meaning she was using and it made me have some pretty interesting thoughts. She was telling me that her boss was going to have to take over some of her cycles. Now I don’t know about you, but when I hear about a cycle belonging to a woman…. well I think you know what I’m saying. It’s not a bicycle. Anyway, my wife’s boss is a man, and I thought, ” well that’s just odd.” I knew she was talking about a work thing, but all I could think was, “Hey, I have a few periods I’m not using and I need you to take them over for me.” I know, I’m warped and messed up and what have you, but that was the prevailing thought I had. I just kept thinking about people taking over those special lady cycles for other people.

I have no idea why someone would want to do that, but then again, some people are pretty screwed up.


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Ever feel like you’re a gargoyle?

March 18, 2010
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So, I’m a college student. I know, it’s pretty impressive, but that’s not even what I’m going to be talking about so just hold your horses while I get to my point. At my school there are bathrooms with disabled stalls on every floor. You know the ones I’m talking about. I’m sure you’ve seen them or perhaps even used them once or twice. They’re pretty much all over the place. You go in, the stall is about twice the size of a normal stall, and the toilet is about a foot higher off of the ground. Are you getting the picture?

Here’s my point. I hate using these stalls. If you’re like me you do anything to avoid having to used the disabled stall, including going across the street to a restaurant or what have you. It’s not that I feel bad because I might be keeping a disabled person from using the toilet for a few minutes. I honestly don’t mind that. Everybody poops, so they need to wait their turns. It’s because the toilet is so stinking high off of the ground I feel like I’m a gargoyle perched on top of a cathedral. Seriously. I’m not a very big guy, I’m only 5’10”. Some of these toilets are so tall it’s hard for my feet to touch the ground which is way uncomfortable. I mean, it’s kinda hard to relieve your bowels when you’re distracted by the blood no longer circulating through your legs and feet.

Ever seen those signs of the person squatting over the toilet? That’s pretty much how it feels. Why on earth do those toilets need to be so tall? If anything it makes more sense for them to be shorter than other toilets. Speaking of short toilets… Remember those really small toilets that were in your kindergarten room back in the day? Those were the best.I don’t mind resting my head on my knees while I poop. At least then I could feel my legs.

That is all.

Actual photo of me in a disabled bathroom stall.

Enjoy!


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Feminine Hygiene

March 16, 2010
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I’ve been noticing lately that there are a lot of commercials for feminine hygiene products on tv and the internets. I mean you can’t even go a single day without seeing some sort of commercial for a new improved pad or some nonsense like that. The thing that intrigues me is not the quantity of these commercials lately, but the women in them. You can tell that none of these women is actually bleeding from their nether regions and I’ll tell you how. Now, I’m not a woman, but I’m married to one so I have a pretty good idea how to tell.

1. The women are smiling- Please commercial people. Don’t try to fool me into believing these women are happy about what’s going on.

2. They aren’t eating chocolate- Every man knows that the only thing a woman wants during that monthly problem is chocolate. Where is this fun fact in the commercials? Huh? I’ve been looking.

3. Laughing? Again, please.

Yes, I’m probably being a little insensitive here, and maybe I’m generalizing a bit, but I’ve got to say, I’d like to see some more realistic commercials about this.  Maybe I’ll try to make one and see how it goes.


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March 2010 Mustache of the Month

March 16, 2010
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He was like a god walking among mere mortals…


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Dreams

October 2, 2009
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I’ve been thinking a little bit lately about keeping a dream journal. Now you’re probably saying to yourself, “well that sounds like a really fruity idea.” Well that makes you an dumbass. You don’t even know why I want to have a dream journal and you’re already so judgmental. It’s not because I want to figure out what my dreams mean or anything like that. No! Mostly it’s because I have some of the craziest most insane dreams and I want to be able to have them so that I can look back fondly on them, and maybe even tell the future little Staches all about my crazy adventures in my sleep. I can just imagine sitting down one night with a few little ones and reading about how I killed a group of about eight people who were trying to take over my house and keep my wife and I hostage. To make that even better I didn’t even stay the same person for very long. First I was me, then I was Charley Kelly from It’s always Sunny in Philadelphia, and then I was Jack Black from Nacho Libre. I don’t know how I was all three people, and frankly I don’t care. How often do you get to be three people in one night and kill a ton of people trying to take you hostage? Well, if you’re like the normal population of the world, not very often. It’s a shame too because I woke up so stoked about my dream I almost wished it had been reality. Then I have other dreams where I get to be all sorts of other cool stuff; like a bloodthirsty pirate. That’s one of my favorites.

You wouldn't want to meet me in my dreams.

You wouldn't want to meet me in my dreams.

So, my point is that I want to have a dream journal so I can share my insanity with others. Maybe I should write a book about it….


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October’s Mustache of the Month

October 2, 2009
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seth_green_mustache21

An incredible red mustache!


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This is the Stache blog. Here is what's on my mind. Prepare to be offended, hurt, and angered.

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